dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
