Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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