that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize