I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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