The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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