see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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