sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
