wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
