i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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