i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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