It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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