I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize