Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
