Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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