you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
