loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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