If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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