What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
