Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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