Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
