i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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