i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
