Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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