i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
