On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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