your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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