Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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