OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
