stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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