apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
