Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
