would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I deserve this hangover.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
