Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
