its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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