im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
