Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
