i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
