Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
