I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
