Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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