Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
