I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
