four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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