I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I want a musical about memes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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