I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Who put my cat in the fridge?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
