you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
