You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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