i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
