Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize