Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We have started to decorate penises.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
