Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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