guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
