Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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