I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
