FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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