Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
