Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
