I showed him my bush... on skype.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
