You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize