Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
