You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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