brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
