He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
