I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
