Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
