I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
