Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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