She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
