he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She bit a glass in half.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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