Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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